The Launch

Today it begins.  After feeling a banging in my chest to do something more to export a message of hope that I’ve continued to find in my recovery group after getting sober almost six and a half years ago, I choose now to begin with something small.  I’m divorcing myself from the outcome and impact of this writing, shedding my desire for “gold stickers” and accolades that have dogged my heart that was conditioned for perfection in my childhood. Today, I choose to care only about beginning to listen to these prompts on my heart and doing something about them.

My past used to consist of massive peaks and deeper valleys, that became undersea trenches when I used drugs to nuke my feelings of “failure.”  Diving into this through personal work with my therapist and discussions with my brothers in recovery has helped loosen the grip of the desire to be perfect, but it hasn’t been eliminated.  I still struggle.  I still beat myself up.  I still question my self-worth.  But I don’t fall into endless rabbit holes.  I’m closing in on seven years clean and sober.  And I’m getting better at finding my worth from my relationship with God.

So here’s to the victories to come, and a path forward of blinding vulnerability in my writing to an open world.  I remain convinced that for ALL of us, the best is yet to come.